Today is my birthday and I feel a sense of reckless abandon spawn in my chest. I came to Reed College knowing more about computers than myself and left having better understood both. In spring, when I was still on campus, I came out as a proud gay man to my family and friends. My sexuality was for a long time a well-kept secret from everyone in India just because of how conservative everyone was and continues to be. That is until I came to Reed. I met gay men and women, non-binary seniors taking Computer Science courses. I saw myself free in their freedom of expression, and every second spent with them gave me an ounce of courage to come out in the open as well.

When I came out, I felt refreshed, reset of all guilts, and proud to accept myself and allow others to do the same. However, the magic of the moment soon dissolved into the grim reality. You see I wanted to come out as publicly as I could because I couldn’t risk my family shutting me down yet again. So, I chose Instagram and my coming-out post on Instagram reached nearly around 11,000 impressions. The word spread like wildfire. People whom I didn’t know knew me now knew, and everyone wanted to talk me out of this or share a piece of their mind. I dealt with it all alone, but the worst was to come. My dad had borrowed money from local financiers to get me through college, a common practice in India. However, all three of them rescinded their financial support. Others didn’t want to be connected with my dad. So, they cut him off. My dad paid for my education up until I came out, and then he just couldn’t. As I saw my dream of education crumble, I went to Student Office, Business Office, Financial Aid Office, ISS, faculty members, my tears were met with their inability to do anything, robotic replies, and strict policies to ensure fairness? — and just like that, in days, my aspiration to get a college degree was choked out. I withdrew from the college, after having given my last bit of energy in convincing that I did not deserve to have my education stopped like that just because I came out as gay. Being gay is not a choice, being proud of it is!

You see in some way, I was preparing for this, slowly and steadily. When I was bullied a lot in high school, my dad told me "education and passion is your one-way ticket to a better life." I took his words to heart and seized every opportunity to learn. When I exhausted resources in high school, I discovered the art of computer programming and made tons of self-guided projects. My passion for scientific communication and hobbyist development won me awards at Intel International Science and Engineering Fair, Google Science Fair, American Association of Computing Machinery, Indian National Science Fair, et cetera. I learned a lot from a computer and an internet connection. And yet, all of that amounted to nothing when I picked each and everyone’s call as they came in shouting. My achievements and hard work and struggle didn’t matter when I went to offices in the Elliot, asking for financial aid. It didn’t matter when I wanted to register at a local university in my hometown a week ago because I didn’t have a transcript. I asked the business office for a transcript but because they refused to release my transcript or any form of proof of successfully completing first year since I have uncleared dues of last semester. This means not only I cannot go to Reed anymore, but any university anywhere in the world, even my hometown. Things I did for the last 6 years of my life to get an education so that I can live as a free gay man didn’t matter. None of it mattered, and now I am back to being the afraid fifteen-year-old who is clueless about how he can be free.

I wrote this letter to the president, to an equally disappointing end. I am making this website to share with everybody my story. Education is important to me to escape the life of struggle my mom and dad have seen. I request you to help me release my transcripts by paying the remaining $24,802.62 (dues for the last semester). I promise to repay all those who help me as soon as I can. I need transcripts to complete a degree elsewhere and I don’t have the money right now to pay up my dues.

Poetry continues to be my last form of expression. Here's an excerpt from a poem I wrote for the Poetry Night at Reed (cancelled due to COVID).

Thank you for your time!